IntoWhiteness

nunubunkie:

red-sky:

We’ve all heard Erik’s side of the story, now I think it’s time for a different POV. Ladies and gentlemen of Tumblr, I now present You’ll Shoot Your Spine Eye Out: The Groovy Times of Charles Xavier. WARNING: THIS IS VERY, VERY LONG AND FULL OF GIFS. I BLAME IT ON THE FACT THAT I’M CREATING THIS SINCE THE GREAT MCFASSY EXPLOSION ON TUMBLR AND THEREFORE THERE ARE TONS MORE GIFS AVAILABLE THAN WHAT WAS AVAILABLE FOR MY PREVIOUS POSTS. ANYWAY.

WATCH AS CHARLES IMPRESSES THE CROWD WITH HIS MANLY DRINKING ABILITIES AND HIS LUSCIOUS LOCKS THAT HOLD LOTS OF SECRETS, THAT’S WHY IT’S SO LUSCIOUS.

WATCH AS CHARLES TRIES TO BE A SMOOTH OPERATOR. OH CHARLES DON’T WORRY YOU ARE ~TOTALLY~ HETEROSEXUAL.

WATCH AS CHARLES CASUALLY AND LIKE A BOSS INFORMS THE CIA THAT HE CAN READ THEIR MINDS. I IMAGINE THAT PLAYING CHARADES AGAINST THIS GUY IS A TOTAL BUZZKILL.

WATCH AS CHARLES DIVES INTO THE OCEAN TO RESCUE A MAN HE HAS NEVER MET BEFORE. THAT CHARLES, HE’S A NOBLE ONE. OR SO DESPERATE FOR A SHAG THAT HE’LL RISK DROWNING JUST FOR A PIECE OF ALBEIT REALLY REALLY HOT ASS.

WATCH AS CHARLES SIT THERE CONSUMED WITH LUST OVER THIS SIX FOOT TALL HANDSOME SHARK OF A NAZI HUNTER.

WATCH AS CHARLES REALIZES THAT THE SHINY HELMET HANK MAKES HIM WEAR NOT ONLY OPENS HIS MIND TO OTHER MUTANTS, BUT TO ERIK’S SEXUAL FANTASIES. NEEDLESS TO SAY, CHARLES IS ME GUSTA-ING LIKE NO ONE HAS EVER ME GUSTA-ED BEFORE.

WATCH AS CHARLES TOASTS HIMSELF FOR PROJECTING HIS FANTASIES OF ERIK IN DRAG AND PLAYS IT OFF LIKE IT AIN’T NO THANG. IT’S ALL FOR THE MUTANT CAUSE, YOU SEE. CHARLES KNOWS HE HOLDS THE KEY TO EVERLASTING PEACE BETWEEN HUMANS AND MUTANTS, AND THE KEY IS ERIK LEHNSHERR IN PANTYHOSE AND A GARTER BELT.

WATCH AS CHARLES USES HIS ABILITIES TO LURE ERIK INTO HIS BED. WATCH AS HE CONTEMPLATES USING SAID ABILITIES TO MAKE ERIK PAT HIM JUST A LITTLE HIGHER UP ON THE LEG.

WATCH AS CHARLES MANAGES ONCE AGAIN TO BROADCAST HIS EXTREMELY HETEROSEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT ERIK. CHARLES, YOU ARE THE WORLD’S STRONGEST TELEPATH, THIS IS STARTING TO BECOME EMBARRASSING.

WATCH AS ERIK ACTS LIKE A TOTAL DICK ABOUT CHARLES’ UPRBINGING. WATCH AS CHARLES GIVES HIM A BITCHFACE BUT SAYS NOTHING BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS THAT ERIK ACTS LIKE A COCK BECAUSE HE IS TRAUMATIZED AND HURTING AND NAZIS AND ALL THAT.

WATCH AS CHARLES TRIES TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT HIS LIFE HAS SUDDENLY BECOME AN NC-17 PROMPT FILLED ON 1STCLASS_KINK.

WATCH AS CHARLES INNOCENTLY ASKS ERIK IF HE CAN PENETRATE HIS MIND. FUCK, CHARLES, I AM SITTING HERE IN AWE OF YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY. I MEAN, REALLY, MAN. THE WIGGLING FINGERS ARE A NICE ADDED TOUCH, REAL ROMANTIC AND SMOOTH, LOTHARIO. YOU ARE LUCKY THAT ERIK IS SO DESPERATE TO BE LOVED THAT HE DOESN’T REALIZE THAT YOU ARE BASICALLY ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO FINGER HIM.

WATCH AS CHARLES BEMOANS HIS CONSTANT STATE OF NEVERENDING SEXUAL FRUSTRATION AND TRIES TO STOP HIMSELF FROM ASKING ERIK TO SHOW HIM HIS TEETH.

WATCH THE AFTERMATH OF WHAT IS THE MOST INTIMATE SEX SCENE WITH NO PHYSICAL PENETRATION EVER ON FILM. THIS IS THE MOMENT WHERE CHARLES STOPS THINKING WITH HIS COCK AND REALIZES JUST HOW MUCH HE TRULY LOVES THIS BEAUTIFUL, FLAWED, BROKEN MAN AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO TAKE ALL OF ERIK’S SHATTERED PIECES AND PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER SO THAT ERIK CAN FINALLY FIND THE PEACE THAT’S ELUDED HIM HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

WATCH AS THE EPIC GAY LOVE AFFAIR IS INTERRUPTED BY SOME SILLY END OF THE WORLD BUSINESS. ARE THE TWO OF THEM TALKING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT THEY’RE PREPARED TO SAVE THE WORLD? OR ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT THEIR FIRST FORRAY INTO S&M? WE WILL NEVER KNOW.

WATCH AS CHARLES LOOKS ON WITH LOVE AND PRIDE AT ERIK FINDING THE POINT BETWEEN RAGE AND SERENITY. YOU CAN PRACTICALLY HEAR CHARLES SCREAMING, “THAT’S RIGHT, BITCHES, THIS IS MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND RIGHT HERE! LOOK AT THIS MOTHERFUCKING FLY ASS GQ JAMES BOND MOTHERFUCKER LIFTING SUBMARINES OUT OF THE WATER LIKE A BOSS!”

WATCH AS CHARLES MAKES THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE OF NOT ONLY HIS OWN MENTAL WELL-BEING, BUT HIS MORALS. LET’S DISCUSS THIS FOR A MINUTE, SHALL WE? CHARLES BELIEVES IN THE GOOD OF HUMANITY. HE HAS MADE IT HIS ENTIRE LIFE’S MISSION TO NOT ONLY SHAG ERIK SENSELESS, BUT TO PULL HIM OUT OF HIS WEEPY NAZI-HUNTING DARKNESS AND INTO THE LIGHT. HE HAS DONE EVERYTHING HE CAN TO PERSUADE ERIK INTO NOT KILLING SHAW. AND EVEN THOUGH ERIK IS A MOTHERFUCKING RAT BASTARD WHO PURPOSELY CUTS CHARLES OUT OF HIS MIND, CHARLES STILL HOLDS ONTO SHAW TELEPATHICALLY (DID I SPELL THAT RIGHT I DON’T KNOW I THINK THE GAY HAS BROKEN MY ABILITY TO SPELL). JUST SO SHAW CAN’T RETALIATE. JUST SO ERIK WON’T DIE. CHARLES SETS ASIDE HIS OWN MORALS FOR THE SAKE OF ERIK.

WATCH AS CHARLES RECOVERS FROM THE TRAUMA OF HAVING A COIN SLOWLY DRILLED THROUGH HIS SKULL AND WONDERS WHETHER OR NOT ERIK’S PROWESS IN BED IS ENOUGH FORGIVE HIM FOR THIS. BECAUSE REALLY, THAT IS AN ASSHOLE THING TO DO TO YOUR BOYFRIEND, ERIK. I MEAN REALLY.

WATCH AS CHARLES READS THE MINDS OF THE ARMIES AIMING MISSILES AT THEM. I IMAGINE IN THE DVD THE SUBTITLES UNDERNEATH THE SCREEN WILL READ SHIT JUST GOT REAL.

WATCH AS CHARLES DECLARES HIS LOVE FOR ERIK, WHICH CAUSES ERIK TO ABANDON HIS PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION FOR THE TIME BEING IN FAVOR OF NOT SO TENDER SEX ON THE BEACH. THEY DO IT FOUR TIMES IN A ROW AND IT IS BEAUTIFUL. OH WAIT, NO, THIS ISN’T WHAT HAPPENED.

WATCH AS INSTEAD OF SAYING THE ABOVE, CHARLES XAVIER OPENS HIS FUCKING MOUTH AND SAYS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING IN THE WORLD. CHARLES, YOU ARE A SMART MAN. AND YOU JUST TOLD A FUCKING HOLOCAUST SURVIVOR THAT THE MEN TRYING TO KILL HIM ARE GOOD MEN, JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS. THE AMOUNT OF EVENS THAT I CANNOT RIGHT NOW. SIR, YOU ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF UPPERCLASS WHITE BOY PRIVILEGE CHECK 101.

WATCH AS ERIK UNDERSTANDABLY LOSES HIS SHIT AND CHARLES PULLS A STUPID MOVE AND GETS INTO A FIGHT WITH A FUCKING NAZI HUNTER. REALLY CHARLES? HUMANITY IS JUST SO PRECIOUS THAT YOU JUST HAVE TO GET INTO A FIST FIGHT WITH AN UNOFFICIAL MEMBER OF THE INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS?

WATCH AS CHARLES GETS SHOT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING SPINE. WATCH AS ERIK HAS TO RUB IT IN WITH HIS SASSY LITTLE HIP SWAY. THAT DOUCHEBAG.

WATCH AS CHARLES SCREAMS IN AGONY BECAUSE HE JUST GOT SHOT IN THE SPINE BY HIS SOULMATE. THIS IS NOT WHAT CHARLES MEANT WHEN HE TALKED ABOUT GETTING ROUGH IN THE BEDROOM, ERIK.

WATCH AS CHARLES TURNS DOWN ERIK’S MARRIAGE PROPOSAL DUE TO ERIK TURNING INTO A CRAY CRAY MACHIAVELLIAN EVIL OVERLORD IN A FIVE-MINUTE SPAN. DOES YOUR HEART HURT OVER THE INJUSTICE OF ALL THIS? JACK AND ROSE AND JACK AND ENNIS HAVE NOTHING ON THESE TWO.

WATCH AS CHARLES MAKES A TOTALLY OMNIOUS JOKE ABOUT HIS HAIR TO HIDE HIS PAIN OVER LOSING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO WALK, BUT GODDAMN IT, IF HE LOSES HIS HAIR, HIS LIFE MAY AS WELL BE OVER. PRIORITIES, EVERYONE. CHARLES XAVIER HAS THEM. NO WONDER ERIK FUCKING LEFT HIS ASS.

WATCH AS CHARLES REALIZES THAT HE MUST WIPE THE MEMORIES OF HIS DEAR FRIEND AND A REPLACEMENT FOR ERIK MOIRA. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MEET CHARLES XAVIER, FOREVER ALONE.

 

Aw, fuck it, Charles would never say something as dumb as “they’re just following orders”. This brilliant idea came from the writers just to make Erik look cool saying “Never again!”.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…